India visa application time again! Anxiety vs calm, necessity vs choice

I’m about to go apply for my India Visa. It’s funny the last time I did this I was all nerves. I remember vividly at one point after I had handed over all of the relevant documents and such to the post office, I had a thought – I’m not going to India in October. At this point Belgium was just a whisper, not even a possibility, but something inside me knew. I knew this deep inside me, that I couldn’t even do the application on my own, I had my friend do it. I see now that my intuition was fighting with my mind. I knew I wasn’t going, I just knew, but I wasn’t ready to face that yet. This time, I was adamant to figure it all out on my own. J was there with me in case the computer failed me, but I did all of the research, I figured out what I needed to do, and what documents I needed to bring. A stark difference from last time.

This time around, while it’s a lot of work and double checking, I’m calm. I’m about a month away from going and I’m not anxious at all, I have a feeling that everything will just work out. Last time I sent my application in as early as possible, this time, I am sending it now, not out of fear or anxiety, but because this has been the first semi-free day that I’ve been able to gather my papers and make the drive up to Brussels. And that’s the big difference between the first time and now. Back in August I was anxious, and as the month progressed it seemed that all things having to do with India were forced.

There’s a difference between making something happen and forcing something to happen. Today, we made things happen. We woke up early, set up the computer and prepared all of my paper work. Slowly, methodically, calmly. Last time I went quickly, I had to do each step at an allotted time or else – or else what? A part of me knew I wasn’t going in October, but I wasn’t ready to accept that, and so I rushed and forced and instead of noticing the signs all around me, I ignored my gut feeling to wait for when the time was right – a lesson I continuously fail to learn apparently!

It’s quite strange really. Last year India was an ultimatum, we had to stay in northern Quebec an extra year, so I decided that I was going to India. This year it’s a choice. I could choose not to go and my life wouldn’t crumble. I’ve got a lot going on here, a home to organize, a town to explore, travelling to do, etc., but I know I want to go. I’m not forcing something to happen in order to temporarily solve another problem by escaping it. Instead, I’m going to India to expand on my life and explore my possibilities.

For a long time now India has been on the back burner. Back in Canada we had to organize a huge move in 2.5 weeks, once the movers came and our things left for Europe, it was our turn to move. Since then our lives have been one errand after another with no breaks. Yoga has even gone from being the centre of my world to a rare activity unfortunately.

Now India has become the link between my life in Quebec to my life here in Belgium. It’s the in-between. I have no idea what is going to happen at teacher training and I am not about to start hypothesizing on something that I’ve never experienced before. But in my life right now, as I prepare for this journey, India is a time of reflection. I am going there reflecting on my life in Quebec, the challenges, the mistakes, the heart aches, achievements I have faced and I’m saying good bye to that part of my life.

But that part of my life has become a part of who I am. I feel it every day. I even walk up the stairs in our home and turn left – every single time – even though now our bedroom is on the right – and I know this, because on the left is my yoga room. But my mind is stuck back in Quebec. I need to put it to rest, and so I go to India to put the fearful me, the insecure, the anti-social me away, because I can begin to see how Belgium will change me, and in order to grow in this new place, I need to say good bye to the walls I built in the last 4.5 years.

What India will become, who knows! For right now it’s a moment for me to put some things to rest, test my boundaries and see where I will end up.

For a long time I’ve been excited about this move, from the moment I walked into the India visa application office I’ve been excited for this new adventure. No stress instead a clam understanding that everything will work out the way it is suppose to in the end.

Thank you 2013, 2014 I welcome you with an open heart

If I had to give 2013 a theme, it would be change. Often in life we get stuck in an experience, in a thought, in a rut and we define our lives through these ideas. We define our lives with one word or phrase – this sucks, this is aweful, I can’t stand this anymore. Even positive thoughts are hindered by the thought that it will not be constant, that eventually things will change and we might not feel this thrill of the present moment. But change is not a bad thing, it’s essential in order to live, to grow and learn and envelope ourselves in these new experiences. With change we see that even these not so great experiences lead to something we couldn’t even imagine in our grief.

Through my blog at the beginning of last year I took the step in actively finding balance and peace in whatever came my way. I have to say there were many obstacles on and off the mat. I had many great experiences in 2013, but also some not so great. But in all of these experiences there was one constant – my goal of finding the positive in all situations and that goal leading to a change of perception and eventually a change of circumstances.

I started 2013 depressed because our fourth posting had been cancelled. My goal for 2013 was to change my perception. I had been angry for too long about things I couldn’t change. I realized that what I could change was my perception. I decided that the first step to doing this was to bring yoga into my life, as I had always invisioned it, even if I lived in a non-yoga land. And I did. And the changes I thought would be so hard to implement in my daily habits, thoughts and actions, happened without effort. This occurred because each and every day I chose to take a step forward, I chose to get on my mat and face my fears, my regrets, my hurts, my happiness, my goals, my dreams, straight on with no excuses, no half-ass steps, but with full on strides into my life.

Change followed me in 2013.

I took a bad situation – cancelled posting – and replaced it with a dream I hadn’t dared to even talk about – go to yoga teacher training in India.

I opened myself up to some amazing friendships that literally changed my life. As Military wives who would have never been friends in any other circumstances (because we wouldn’t have met) we shared many laughs, many tears, heart aches, joys, and a lot of wine during 2013. We rooted for each other to succeed, we were there for each other when husbands had to be away. I am immensly grateful for allowing myself to open up this way to my now dear friends, and for all of the lessons they have taught me.

Weeks before my teacher training course was about to begin we had news – more of a whisper – that there MIGHT be a posting for us – right around the time I would have been in India. I reluctantly had to cancel my teacher training without any real evidence of a
posting and hope and pray that I made the right choice. I was forced to see things from a new perspective. I was forced to be patient, and I was forced to trust myself that whatever happened I would be ok. Change haunted me during this period of uncertainty.

Recently I have had to go against the grain of my routine and step out of my comfort zone in order to meet new people here in Belgium. I decided that this posting was not going to be clouded with fear but instead I would step into the world confidently and try everything once before I judged or decided it wasn’t for me. This too has been challenging at times, especially when eating pastries and drinking wine led to a night with my hugging the toilet! I had to take a step back for a few days and realize it’s ok to take a break every once and awhile to reevaluate choices we have made.

And here I am with the biggest challenge yet. We are currently in our home attempting to organize everything. We have had to reevaluate many things – for example saving a few extra dollars by using my American voltage hair dryer (with a European plug in) is not worth my hair almost catching fire, I’ll spend the extra dollars and buy myself a European hair dryer instead thank you! We’ve also had to come to the realization (reluctantly) that our house will not be in order in a few days, but instead will take time. Taking time to relax, enjoy our life here, enjoy the many friendships we have already made is more important than having everything in order right away.

As I think about all of these experiences, and many more, I realize that in each one I have had to learn patience and trust in myself. Yoga has helped in many ways to realizing these lessons. But like all things in life, these lessons take time, and I am still learning. As I sit and write this, all of my clothes have not been put away, I still have many things to organize and I’ve realized that this most likely will not all get done before I leave for India. Yesterday I almost fell a part realizing this, and could feel my body tensing up while practicing yoga. But it also made me realize that I must learn to have patience and trust myself that I can and will get through all of this, and eventually there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Having the opportunity to share this journey means more to me than I can write on this page. This blog has held me accountable through out my journey. There have been many moments where I questioned my goal of living yoga, I questioned my blog and whether it mattered at all in the big universe that is the Internet, but each one of your comments, your likes, encouragement and some of your blogs as well have all inspired me to keep going. I began 2013 with nowhere to go, lost and sad. This blog and your routing for me have kept me going. And I know without everything that has occurred this year, all the good and the bad, wouldn’t have led me to where I am in this moment. I thank you all and wish you all a wonderful new year full of wonderful changes – the one constant in life and the one theme that shows us we are still living and learning!

I welcome 2014 with the intention of patience, trust, and giving myself permission and the opportunity to try new things – without trying there are no lessons, there is no change and we stop growing. I urge you to give yourself permission to accept change into your life because amidst the chaos that is change we have the chance to learn, to grow, and find peace in the beautiful chaos of life!

We don’t live here anymore

Today we began the process of moving. I woke up and felt stressed, but also very excited to get the ball rolling. We had no idea of what to expect. We had tried our best yesterday to organize the house, but by midnight we had to call it quits, even though there still was stuff left to do. We could have done more, but we also needed to sleep. So the morning came. I woke up stressed, but also excited to finally get things under way.

We thought we were not organized, it turned out we were. Things always happen this way. I used to have a teacher who used to say if we weren’t nervous for a test we hadn’t studied enough. I always found this to be true. Things went so smoothly today – more smoothly than we could have hoped for. It turns out all of the nervousness and mad organizing paid off. Everyone seemed in good spirits, and the day went by quickly – a great start to the moving process.

As I watched the packers pack my clothes and my kitchen I realized, we don’t live here anymore. It’s a strange feeling. Right now we are eating dinner and instinctively I felt happy to be sharing this meal with J but immediately after felt a pang of sadness, that we’d have to go back and I’d have to make the best out of a not so great situation. A feeling that has been a reality for me for so long. I attempted to hide these moments so many times, putting a smile on my face and learning to spend more than ten minutes in the cave I called a kitchen. Of course, I had moments where the smile never came, and walking into that kitchen felt like defeat, but for the most part I tried. I tried, or more specifically, we tried, because we needed to make this place (our PMQ) livable, we needed to make it home for each other. I guess these memories and these feelings are natural at the moment, and for now I have to continuously remind myself that we made it – we’re at the end and we don’t live here anymore.

It’s a strange feeling, that’s for sure. From now on we will be sleeping in a hotel, only going go the PMQ to see that the packing and loading go smoothly. It feels good, but it doesn’t quite seem real. We’ve been through a lot to get here, and some of the time I felt as if I wouldn’t make it. For me the sacrifices of being a military wife, living in a small PMQ, and the many things I gave up to be here with J were all too overwhelming at times. But, we made it. And because of those scarafices and all of our lessons along the way, today wasn’t stressful, it was a gift, because watching our life being put into boxes was a dream I had been dreaming for the last few years. A dream I sometimes believed would never become reality.

It feels good even though it still doesn’t seem quite real. What is real is what I said as we walked to the car at the end of the day today:

We don’t live here anymore.

Moving: the biggest challenge this yogi has faced

I think I may have practiced yoga for the last time for awhile at least. Floor space is quickly disappearing in our small PMQ (military home). Every moment I am faced with a new challenge:

little to no room to cook and clean in the kitchen

Spatulas/ladles/pots and pans are now in boxes or bags which means fishing them out for each meal.

Boxes upon boxes of things in our house.

Laundry growing by the second even though I swear I made a dent in it the other day.

Learning to find order where there seems to be no order is quickly become very difficult. Learning to take things in stride and remembering to breathe is the only option left for me.

Today as I practiced I kept on repeating the mantra : everything is already ok. I have been trying so hard to create order in this chaos that I began to go a little crazy. I began to forget to breathe and instead cursed our things, cursed the move and wished it were over. But all I have is now. All I can do is breathe and step by step get myself out of this growing pile of stuff. We have a day and a half left of living amongst boxes and bags, and then there will be a whole new kind of crazy. The process of getting our things out for storage and belgium will begin. And soon enough this will all be behind us.

For now, all I have is this moment and so I will get off of what is left of my couch and begin making sense of all of this chaos, one step at a time, one breath at a time.

It’s not about mastering the pose, it’s about respecting it

I read this quote the other day, and for me it was revolutionary. The quote came from an article that spoke about the many arm balances and crazy yoga poses that are often displayed on social media. On the mat, we fight with the idea of mastering the pose. I often get annoyed at myself for not going deep enough, or going too deep. I have moments where I realize I have let my mind wander and I don’t really remember if I was using my whole body on a particular pose or if I let parts of myself slack.

What we often forget is yoga is not about mastering poses. Yes it’s wonderful to do so, but focusing on the end result takes focus away from the journey. In order to notice the journey we need to change our focus. Instead of fighting against the pose in order to get deeper, we need to respect the pose. We respect it even if we can’t do it, we respect it even if it defeats us – because each time we do it we learn something new.

This is not only with yoga, but with life as well. We often get caught up in the end result of a project or an experience that all of our energy is focused on that moment. We curse the twists and turns that happen with life and with getting to that moment that we forget about now, now is an inconvenience because we’re not at the end yet. But by focusing on some future time (we can talk about focusing on the past too but that’s a different post) we forget to notice the lessons in the present. Often times we’ll look back and realize the validity of that moment we thought was such a nuisance or not important. We don’t respect the moment, we don’t respect the lessons as they occur in our lives.

J and I had planned a very full weekend in Montreal of shopping and paper work. We had it all planned out, but life is not something you can plan. It turns out, we were given the wrong information pertaining to a certain document we need. And since home is six hours away, and the document we need is locked in our house, one of us needs to go retrieve it. J needs to get back to work and so I am to stay behind. Now keep in mind this week is our last week in our home – we have a lot of organizing to do. For the last couple of days I’ve been sad and annoyed that this had to happen, I’ve wished I could turn back time and go back to the moment I saw the document we need and instead of putting it back in the filing cabinet put it in my wallet instead. I have even considered asking a friend to break into our house. I haven’t been in the moment. I’ve been angry, upset, and stressed about the lack of control.

There is a lesson here, a lesson that keeps slapping me in the face – life happens around our plans whether we like it or not – we can either fight it, or we can accept it. By accepting it we allow growth to happen and instead of cursing the now we respect it for what if is and what it has to offer in our lives.

It’s not about mastering a pose, it’s about respecting it.

It’s not about perfecting the plan it’s about accepting and respecting the lessons in the now.

It’s not about mastering life it’s about respecting it.

And hey two extra days in Montreal means less sleeps in the PMQ before the big move and more time for yoga.

Good byes (until we meet again)

I don’t have many possessions, I often kid with J that I would leave him few things if I were to die: my cat, my DVD’s, my ipad, my Honda Civic – Electra (named due to the many times she shocked me), my yoga mat, and the money I have saved – nothing that would change his life, financially, in any real way. But all of these things mean a lot to me. Most signify key points of freedom and determination to get my life back on track.

Tomorrow I’m giving one of those things up, my car. When I returned from Greece I had no car, I had nothing other than the clothes on my back and a room waiting for me in the house I grew up in. I went from living from albeit paycheque to paycheque but living independently, to living at home, in the suburbs, in Winnipeg where nothing happens and there’s no where to go. I knew that if I were to survive living at home for as long as I had to, I needed freedom – I needed a car. I also needed a job. So the first thing I did was look for work. I ended up finding a job out of town at a swanky country restaurant. It didn’t pay very well, and the drive was no that great, but I had a job, all I needed now was a car. I was starting to work there a week after my interview, so I had seven days to find a car. I was told by various family members that I was crazy to think I could find, deal and have a car in the driveway in seven days. I was determined to prove them wrong, and I did. I found Electra.

She was the fist sign that I was getting my life back on track, and from the day that she became mine, until now (9.5 years later) she has always been there for me. She may now be a little rusty and warn around the edges, but I will never forget that she gave me freedom when I felt trapped in a life I thought I had put in my past. She moved me out of my parents house into my very fist apartment. She moved me into my first condo. And later moved me into J’s condo. She has been broken into in -40 degree weather in downtown Winnipeg. She’s been in two car accidents (one of which was on the day J was leaving for Afghanistan – talk about adding on stress – luckily it was a minor accident but nonetheless it was not needed on that day!) She has moved J, my cat, and me to Quebec trailer in tow, she has never let me down driving to Montreal and back these last 4.5 years (other than her temperamental refusal to start fiasco last winter – but with a little tender love and car she calmed down and came back to best friend status in no time). She has a Canadian flag sticker on her dashboard to remind me of what I had taken for granted when I ran away to Greece. Her passenger side door sticks on lock randomly and she is a little rusty, but she has been and will be a wonderful companion because tomorrow, I am giving her away. My time with her is done.

I am feeling a bit emotional over this, and for good reason. She was the beacon of hope when I had no hope, and she’s been there through everything from the time I came back from Greece up until now. But I know deep in my heart it is time to say good bye. Her time in my life is done. She’s done was she was meant to do because now I am on my feet and my past is behind me. It’s time for new adventures and new friends.

Today begins a series of goodbyes, some of things we will be leaving behind in saguenay, and of friends who we may or may not see again. I am not fond of goodbyes, they’ve always kind of scared me, but maybe we never really do have to say goodbye because even if things or people remain in our past they are still a part of the events and experiences that make us who we are today. In a way, we carry everyone we meet, and every experience we’ve had in our hearts because without these things we wouldn’t be who we are today.

I know that without the purchase of my car I wouldn’t have found the courage to get up and move on with my life. I would have been stuck. I also know without the many friends that I have made here in saguenay I wouldn’t have found the courage to get out of my comfort zone and meet people I wouldn’t have met if it weren’t for J being in the military. Each person I met gave me a little more hope and a little more courage to attempt this military wife thing for real. Each friend has led me to today. Each experience has led me to here. And so I will not say goodbye because my first car, my friends, my experience will forever remain in my heart. So instead, I will say until we meet again, because one day I know we will – whether it be in our memories, or for real, we will always be connected.

My first car will always be my first car, so Electra, thank you for giving me the courage to start anew and see the world with a different view. I will never forget the feeling of driving around in my first car, knowing that even though I didn’t know how – I knew I’d be ok. I will miss you, but I promise you have years in you still and you’ll make someone else very happy. Until we meet again dear friend.

Dear Saguenay, this yogini is ready so BRING IT ON

Yoga is not a workout it’s a work-in. This quote was taken from Meditations from the mat

I read this quote this morning before yoga. It resonated so much with me that I highlighted it and used it as my intention during my yoga practice. Like most people i started yoga as a way to work out. I used the opportunity of being kept in Saguenay for one more year as an experiment of what yoga could be in my life if I were to practice it every day, read about it, and try and live it through out my life. Through this process I have learned that yoga is not a work out. It has great benefits of a workout (just ask my never before existed arms and back muscles) but it is not just a work out. I guess it could be for some people, but in my opinion the other, more important, benefits of yoga are pretty hard to ignore.

I wasn’t sure why this particular morning this quote hit me quite hard, and it really stuck with me through out my practice. Then I got to advanced half moon pose.

The pose itself is not difficult for me, well that’s not true, sometimes it is rather difficult. But I have been trying out a choreography with advanced half moon pose that sometimes works, and other times really really doesn’t – this makes it quite challenging. The choreographyd I’ve been trying begins with advanced half moon (as shown above). Now in order to do the pose properly you don’t only grab your foot but you also need to open your hip. If I can successfully open my hip and remain balanced – half the work is done. But it doesn’t end there. After I have completed this pose (I try and stay for five breaths) I realign my hips to the centre and without bringing my leg or arm down I get into dancers pose.

Ok, sounds semi-normal, right? Well, I’ve accomplished this choreography maybe four times without falling in the last four months. ( I don’t do this every day, but the times that I have, I have finished it without falling a total of about four times). Today, standing on my right foot I was able to actually do the full sequence without falling. However, on my left foot, I couldn’t do it, at all. I tried three times, failed all three, and I was frustrated. I realized I wasn’t only frustrated with this dumb choreography that doesn’t even really matter. I was frustrated with moving.

Now, I want to make this clear, I WANT to move. What I’m frustrated with is not the moving itself but what is surrounding the move – the military. Being involved in the military as a member or as a spouse you need to give up control. You need to realize that sometimes there’s nothing you can do, even if the orders make no sense, you have to roll with the punches and keep going. Yesterday, we were told that we were not going to be able to move until mid December due to our possession date on the house being on December 15. We had been told in Belgium that J’s COS date (date he begins working – December 01) wouldn’t change even though we don’t get possession until two weeks after. Now, this issue has now been resolved, but this morning I did not know that.

So while I was desperately trying to hold my advanced half moon pose, balancing on my left leg, I could feel something boiling up inside me, and I heard the words I can’t do this come from the boiling point. I fell out, I got back up and tried again.

– Boiling point again
– I can’t do this again
– I fall down again.

I repeated this about three times, until finally I decided to re-evaluate. I instead did my advanced half moon pose got out of the pose, stood in mountain, and did dancers pose from there. Then I thought yoga is not a workout it’s a work-in.

It dawned on me that I had done both poses. Yes I hadn’t done it the way I had invisioned in the choreography, but I didn’t give up, nor did I push myself beyond my limits. Instead I found my balance for where I was at today. That is why yoga is not just a work out (one of many reasons). Your life seeps into your practice, almost always. And because it does you see how you’ve grown, what you need to work on, and the many reasons why you can’t balance or whatever on that particular day. Because all there is, is you and your mat, and in order to do yoga you must listen and learn not from an instructor or a book or even a guru, but you listen to you, to your body and your mind, and you learn.

I realized in that moment through these two poses and my difficulty in performing them today, that even if we had to stay in Saguenay until mid-December and move with tons of snow on the ground, we’d get through it. I knew then that it didn’t really matter, what mattered was how we spent the last few weeks here: complaining and blaming – or making the most out of our situation. I chose to make the best I could out of the situation, just like I chose to make the best out of my lack of balance in my sequence. That’s all we can do as military families. Sometimes things work out, sometimes they don’t, we can complain and pout all we want but things continue on.

Our moving date has now been moved to December 08, giving us a buffer zone. Because one thing is certain about any move, especially a military one – there will be surprises, and we will need a buffer zone at some point.

My lesson today – Saguenay hasn’t broken me in 4.5 years, I am not about to let it break me now. So bring it on Saguenay, I’m ready for whatever you throw at me. I’ve seen it all, and I’m not about to give up now. The time on my mat hasn’t just been about toning my arms or my back, I’ve learned to roll with the punches, and I’ve learned to get back up and try again when I fall down. You won’t break me now Saguenay.

It only takes one small, tiny step

I have often read about people putting yoga to the side only to discover it again. I never really understood these articles, what in the world could happen that would prevent someone from getting on the mat even for some breathing exercises? Well, that question was answered for me last week:

Life gets in the way.

Due to our HHT last week, I missed one day, then two, then three, and before I knew it getting on the mat felt like I was about to climb a mountain, I couldn’t do it, I had forgotten what it was like being on my mat. I became sacred of my mat – not sure what I was afraid of exactly, but fear had set in, and I wasn’t sure how to get back onto my mat.. And that’s what fear does. You avoid until the little step becomes a mountain to climb – or so your ego leads you to believe. The trick is to realize that this is an illusion created by fear.

Of course, usually people stop their yoga practice because of life changes, and that is precisely what happened to me last week. We were searching for a home in a new country, and I was trying to place my feet on the ground in that new land. I thought I had to put all my energy there, and by doing so I let go of a part of myself. We often do that with change, or at least I do. I jump into it rather than keeping a balance between my routine and change. I do this because I fear that if I don’t jump into it I’ll cling to my past and not accept the changes that inevitably come with this magnificently paradoxical life of a military wife.

However, I have learned that you can’t lose yourself in the change. You need to maintain a delicate balance, and that’s what I forgot. By letting go of yoga I had let a part of myself go, I had begun to ignore my body, and so my soul began seeking happiness and fulfilment from outside instead. And so our first day back in Sanguenay I was happy that I couldn’t find time for my mat because getting on it felt like I was about to climb a mountain. By the end of the day however I forced myself to get on my mat for five sun salutations at 9:30 pm, first step to balance achieved.

It was hard, my body screamed at me, my ego cried but I did it, and the next morning my eyes popped open at 6 am and I knew it was time to get back on my mat, for real.

People say that when you stop doing something you love, once you begin again it’s like riding a bike, it’s even more exhilarating with yoga. I felt like my whole body was stretching, my bones, my skin,my ligaments, even my cells – they all sighed in relief. I felt like I was waking myself up from a deep sleep one cell at a time.

I’m actually glad I took that break because I think I was starting to take yoga for granted. It had become a part of my routine that I forgot just how miraculous and wonderful it was. This morning, while it was hard, it also brought me back to my centre, back to me. And I don’t think it was a coincidence that hallelujah was playing as I ended my practice. It was a perfect end, I got up from savasana, smiled at J who was in the kitchen cooking breakfast and said “hallelujah”. I felt centered and ready for the next two weeks filled with lists, organizing, a house full of furniture – preparing for our move. I felt like I was again standing firmly on the ground, having conquered the mountain that was me getting back onto my mat. Conquering the fear that made one tiny step feel like a trek up a mountain.

It only takes one small, tiny step.

Preparing for my second farewell to Canada – this time with a bit more gratitude

The last time I left canada to live in another country (about 10 years ago) I didn’t realize what I was leaving behind. I ended up moving to Greece and missing so much about Canada – endless supplies of water that doesn’t mysteriously shut off, the friendliness of Canadians always willing to give a helping hand, winter (yes I actually missed winter!) and so many other things. I felt sad then that I hadn’t realized what great of a country I had grown up in and how much of it’s comforts I took for granted.

I find myself, ten years later, leaving my beloved country once again. Having spent the last 1.5 weeks where I soon will be calling home, I’ve been enthralled by the beauty and newness of this land that I’ve forgotten about how wonderful Canada is. This morning we checked into our flight very early (our hotel is literally right next door) and as we turned to leave the line to check in our baggage we were confronted by other Canadians who politely moved over for us to pass with a smile on their face. Their friendliness reminded me how great canada is. I decided, instead of being sad and annoyed that we have to return back to pack instead of stay here and enjoy Europe, I should appreciate Canada because soon enough I will miss it so much.

I now find myself excited to return home and take in the beauty of Canada one more time before we head off to our new life. Winter will have probably begun in Saguenay and I’m excited to take the first breath of fresh air that will send a chill down into my lungs, and with it a promise of Christmas and cheer. I will miss that important aspect of Christmas – snow. I will appreciate the first real snow fall (if it comes in the next two weeks) and watch as the night sky is lit up with tiny (or big) dots of snow, lighting up the ground, giving the night life. I will sit and look with awe that first morning after a big snow fall and sit mesmerized at the beauty of the white earth, and hope no one ruins it with car tracks or shoe prints. I will find the beauty that is Canada, because while it is not Europe, Canada has it’s own kind of raw natural beauty that you only notice when you’ve left it behind. I will smile at people as I pass them by because I know in canada they will most likely smile back and two strangers will share a moment.

It’s staring to hit me, I won’t be living in Canada for awhile now. I will be in a new land, and while I love this place, it will take a while for it to become home. Before then I will have moments where I will want to be back in Canada with the mundane and the normal. So instead of knocking it down for being – normal or mundane – I will take it all in and appreciate every moment because soon enough it will be in my past.

House Hunting Trip day 2&3: We have a house! (And it’s not the one you think!)

Our house hunting trip (HHT) has come to an end (well the home finding portion of the week at least) we have found a house! Surprisingly it is not the house we had originally chosen.

Our second day of our HHT did not begin so well. The first two houses we saw in the morning were complete duds, and so my number one house from day one remained in tact. However, we had a third house to see in the evening. Usually the housing office chooses the houses we will see on our HHT but J had added a house into the list. This would have been a problem if it didn’t meet the standards, however the house met all the standards and so we went to see it in the evening. I was excited and scared. Excited because we had been talking about this house for so long, and fought so hard to see it, but scared because I had already chosen my number one, I didn’t want to get confused. In all honesty, I was glad the two houses in the morning were duds.

We had already seen the neighbourhood and town on our night out looking at the exterior of the houses we would see. We already knew the house was just outside a small city which is 30 minutes away from Brussels. We already knew that the house looked majestic surrounded by beautiful houses and beautiful greenery. But we had no idea what it looked like on the inside.

J says he knew right away that he loved it, and that I loved it. He describes it as the wow factor. It’s beyond what you expected. It’s big, but not too big, just the right size. Very modern, and zen will look fabulous in this house! We even have a room (one of the three bedrooms) which will be a yoga room!! I knew, right when I saw the kitchen, this was my new number one. House In the woods be gone! This house had everything:

Space (we live in military housing – we both had condos in Winnipeg and for three years have attempted to fit two condos in a tiny military house (at times I felt that the furniture was taking over).

Amenities – we’ve got 3-4 grocery stores very close by, a town with many restaurants and cafés, which is also known for its festivals (the town is Braine- le-Comte). The train station is close by – but not too close – so a day or evening in Brussels will be easy, and it’s 20 km from base (15 minute drive) perfect distance.

Kitchen – my kitchen in bagotville is a cave – it literally is a cave – for about a year I couldn’t bring myself to stay in there for more than ten minutes at a time. My number one item on my must-have list was a great kitchen since I love to cook and haven’t been able to enjoy cooking fully for three and a half years. The kitchen in our new home is so fabulous I could live there.

(Side note, we found out after looking at the house that my previous number one (house in the woods) had been sold, which after having seen this house was no big deal at all!)

It all sounds great right? Well, it wasn’t the end of our list of houses to see. We still had two more to see the next morning (today). At fist we didn’t want to see them, we had made our choice. But I remembered what our housing coordinator had said on our fist day, see all of the houses.

The first house we saw this morning was a house I had wanted to see since we went driving around a few days ago with our list of houses in hand. It looked like a fairy tale house. For example, if Disney wanted to choose a real house for snow white this may have been it. But that was only from the outside.

I was still pretty excited this morning to finally see if the interior would match the cute exterior, and you know what? It did! If we hadn’t seen the house yesterday evening this house would have definitely been a contender, however it was not number one.
The second house we saw this morning is not worth mentioning – it was built in 1975 and it still remains in 1975.

So, after finally finishing the parade of housing we made our decision right away – we wanted the house we saw yesterday evening. Tomorrow morning we meet with the agent to sign all of the documents, and we will officially have an address in Belgium!

Now to just be ok with going back to canada to pack. I still don’t miss home, and the thought of leaving belgium and all of the wonderful people here hurts a little. The welcome I have received by the base hospital (for my social work practicum) the MFRC (military family resource centre), and the people on base in general puts bagotville to shame. I have never felt more welcome, and given so many opportunities than these last few says in Belgium and the SHAPE NATO base.

Feeling eternally grateful!