Since my intention this week has been acceptance, I’ve thought a lot about it. I read a quote this morning that opened my eyes to what acceptance really means:
I like that this quote encompasses so much under the umbrella of gratitude. Gratitude is in all things, in our whole life. As I read the quote I became grateful for my intention this week: acceptance.
When we think about acceptance we need to also think about it’s opposite, denial. Our society scratch that, the media and our egos need denial in order to function. Acceptance of the here and now would make it difficult for the media to sell us the better and the more beautiful. Our egos convince us of our weaknesses in order to not be challenged.Denial holds us back in life.
So how does that relate to my intention and my yoga practice?
On my mat denial that I can’t do certain poses scratch that, denial that I am not ready for certain poses, has held me back. On the other hand, not being able to accept where my body is at has also held me back. There is a fine balance between pushing too far and not pushing enough.
This week I have been plagued with back pain. And yesterday morning I knew I needed a break from yoga. At first I was unsure of where this back pain came from, however upon thinking about my week I remembered that the day before, Thursday, I got on my mat even though my body screamed that it needed a break. I believe the back pain stemmed from there, from my denial.
Taking a day off my mat, without even meditation, was very difficult to do. At first my ego screamed at me: get on your mat or else! I ignored these thoughts and eventually peace came over me. I began to see the benefits of taking a day off. My back pain began to subside, I could pay attention to other aspects of yoga other than asana. I began to see that I was not practicing my intention of acceptance by ignoring my back pain. Taking the day off helped me further understand my intention and the role of denial as a barrier to acceptance.
I realized that in order to break down the walls of denial, in order to be fully aware of what acceptance means we need courage. Courage to change old habits, courage to see where the real problems lie. My real problem was not my back pain. My back pain was my body’s way of letting me know somewhere along the way I lost my path. I could have ignored the back pain and done yoga. My ego would have seen that as courage, society would have seen that as courage, but it would have done my spirit and my body no good. We often put others’ needs ahead of ours, we often give more than we take. These are not bad in themselves, but there is a point where we need to see where these actions stem from. If these actions stem from a place of denial – denying yourself self-love, or denying that someone or something is taking more than giving, leaving you empty – is essentially denying your soul and your body of what it needs – self-care and self-love. We find courage by accepting that there needs to be a change – breaking down the barriers of denial.
My back pain may have been a nuisance yesterday, but taking the time to listen to my body and see where the problems were, took courage. Taking the time to change what does not serve us takes courage. It is the only place of growth.
And so, my intention for next week will be just that, courage.. With that my pose for next week will be crow pose.
Since I’m talking about denial I have a confession to make. I have been avoiding crow for quite some time now. I had gotten to a point where I was able to hover for about four breaths (on a good day) but then my wrist started screaming at me. Let’s be clear, I am not dismissing that pain. However, I have been working on core work a lot, and my arms, back, and my core in general have become quite strong due to this. With that, I bought wrist wraps which have helped lot. I’ve noticed it most in my vinyasa, which for the first time ever is painless. However, I remained in denial over crow. I believed that I wasn’t able to do this.
While this is somewhat true, I need to accept the work that needs to be done in order to learn the pose as far as it will take me (maybe hovering for a maximum of four breaths will be my limit but I won’t know until I really truly try). In order to accept, I need to break down the barriers of denial, which have been holding me back. I need to find the courage to face those denials and show up on my mat willing to try openly and objectively.
Refusing to to try, living in a place of denial only strengthens the ego and keeps us that much further from acceptance and courage.
Next time you get on your mat (or do an activity you love to do) ask yourself where am I denying myself growth here? What can I change in order to find acceptance and therefore courage?
In my case just doing yoga, for the sake of doing it was not yoga at all. I needed the back pain and a day off my mat to realize that. Now that I have done that I come back stronger, more open to transformation, more willing to break down more barriers. I come back with acceptance in my truth and the courage to grow from there.
Living yoga in a military wife's life 