Wrist therapy

I used to ignore the pain, figured it was nothing and it would go away. Everyone has an annoying pain right? Is what I often thought.

I actually don’t remember when it started, suddenly it was there, in downward dog, eagle arms, side plank. It wasn’t isolated to yoga either. There were days I couldn’t chop vegetables. And god forbid I need to unscrew something and J was out of town (on the really bad days). But my breaking point came when I was unable to chop mushrooms.

My name is Maria and I’m a recovering ego junkie.

I’m writing this post because I think I’ve been in a bit of denial over this issue. The wrist pain has been an almost daily nuisance since last summer, but I only bought something to support my wrist while doing daily chores two weeks ago. Before then I ignored the pain. I’m not sure what the issue is but I believe all those years waitressing and typing away at my computer for university papers didn’t help.

Awhile back I was in so much denial that I was practicing crow everyday. Talk about ego trip! I realize now I wasn’t listening to my body at all.

I think I was in denial because in my head I thought, maybe this meant I couldn’t do yoga, and that scared me. But this is not the case at all. I know there are days (when I listen to my body) that yoga actually helps. And when I was introduced to poses like dolphin, dolphin plank, supported headstand, and forearm balance, I realized there were ways around my gimpy wrist. All of these poses are done on the forearms. Dolphin is a variation of downward facing dog, but on the forearms. Dolphin plank is a variation of side plank, but again on the forearm. Supported headstand uses the support of the forearms. Forearm balance is another inversion (legs on top of head), the forearms are once again on the mat, but the head is not on the mat, so a variation to a handstand.

But the huge revelation came last night on pinterest. I found a variation to crow.

Here is what crow looks like, for those that don’t know, obviously there is a lot of pressure put on the wrists in this posture.

The variation I found uses the forearms instead of the hands, and so the pressure is completely off of the wrists. The name of this pose is baby crow, the name is even cute!

This means I can add this variation to crow to my gimpy wrist adjustment poses, colour me thrilled!

I’m writing this post because we really need to start listening to our bodies. We live in a culture where nothing is enough, no amount of work is “perfect”, and where the expression “no pain no gain!” Is found not only outside yoga studios, but inside them as well. Yes there are discomforts at times, but there should never be pain, in anything.

Up until recently I had been doing yoga but wanting perfection. I didn’t even realize that was the case. My previous post opened my eyes. After having written it, that same evening, I wanted to try a deep relaxation sequence I had found. I shut off all the lights, lit a candle, put on some meditative music and began. I thought I’d get bored, that it wouldn’t REALLY be yoga. I was wrong, it was yoga, of course! It was peaceful, meditative, and exactly what i needed before bed.

Yoga is not about the sweat, or even about the asanas alone. Don’t get me wrong these are wonderful attributes of yoga, but they are not all that it is. It’s not about perfection of the asanas or your perfect self off the mat either. Yoga is YOU. Yoga is your soul, your essence, speaking to you. It’s about finding your centre, and bringing yourself out into the world, your true self. It’s about change. Changes in your body, accepting changes that surround you, changes of your preconceived notions, it’s about changing the world one asana at a time :). It’s about listening and learning that everything is perfect in its imperfection. You’re perfect, your life is perfect.

Even my wrist is perfect. It’s trying to tell me something and I haven’t been listening. Instead I’ve become accustomed to the ego trip we all have experienced in our culture, and by doing so I have probably made my wrist worse. But that’s ok, I needed this to happen to finally listen. I’ve got my repertoire of variation poses, and J has lovingly ordered some boxing tape for me, to support my wrists during yoga, which should be arriving early next week.

My name is Maria and I have wrist pain.

The day I saw the world from upside down

The universe has been trying to teach me something this week, but I haven’t been listening. I needed to get upside down in order to finally hear and see.

A few days ago I got into wheel, it was completely unexpected. The first time was in yoga class, and I thought I wouldn’t do it, but suddenly I was in wheel. I still didn’t get it though.

The next day I practiced on my own, and thought I would try and see if I could do it again. Surprisingly I did. This time I stood in wheel, in the moment, and marvelled at seeing the world upside down.

But I still didn’t get it.

This morning in yoga class we were asked to get into a forearm balancing pose, a hand stand but on the forearms. We began in downward dolphin pose (which is basically downward dog but with the forearms on the ground)and were asked to walk our legs as close to our heads as we could, and slowly begin to raise one leg and the other would follow.

I hesitated. I figured I could at least raise one leg. But as I did that something happened. Our wonderful instructor came and grabbed my leg and pulled it , which led my other leg to lift. I stood there in disbelief. She told me I still wasn’t doing it, I needed to raise my other leg to meet my raised leg. I did what I was told, not because i wanted to, but because i had no choice. While, I was enjoying the experience, my mind was screaming: you can’t do this! But my body, with the instructors help, was telling another story – I could. I was in complete disbelief, I was upside down, and I was loving it.

Don’t get me wrong, I was scared shitless, and I remember squeaking out, please don’t let go, to the instructor, but I was upside down and it didn’t feel like the end of the world.

These last few days I have been struggling with fear. Fear of walking into a strange and new studio, fear of not fitting in, fear of not being as good of a teacher as all the people that have taught me. I was crippled by it. I would walk into yoga class and feel inadequate. I fell out of every balancing pose, and the sweat stung my eyes. I wanted to leave, I wanted to get out of the poses and run out of the hot room. I believed that I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t practice yoga, and since I couldn’t now, I would never be able to do it as good as the people around me. But what I didn’t see was that I kept going, and I got better.

Today the heat didn’t have an effect on my balance and I stood in each balancing pose. Today walking into a room where I knew no one, except for J, wasn’t so intimidating, and today I stood upside down.

Yoga is not about how far you can get into a pose, and the farther you go doesn’t make you a better yogi. I forgot that. I was enthralled by all of the beautiful and tanned bodies, the lovely advanced poses, that I forgot about my personal practice. Today, as I stood upside down, I remembered.

Yoga for me, is about pushing through the limitations I have put on myself. It’s about learning from my body. Listening to what it has to say, and respecting where it is at. As I lay in child’s pose after being upside down, I cried, but not a cry of sadness, a cry of relief. I might not be able to stand upside down unsupported right now, but one day, I will be able to. Until then I will honor where I am at, and I will respect my body and my practice.

I will get on my mat, because like everyone else, I deserve this experience. On and off my mat, I will honor who I am, who I am with, find truth, the thing that connects us all to each other – love, and I will work toward one day standing upside down unsupported.

I guess I needed to get upside down to finally realize this, because seeing the world the way I have always seen it, didn’t let me see past my limitations. Now I see, those fears were all in my head, and they needed to be flushed out. I am not going to be the teachers that have taught me, I am going to be me, and I will bring my own unique experience to my teaching as I do onto my mat, and as does every teacher that has ever taught.

So I guess getting upside down isn’t as scary and impossible as I had thought. It’s just a new way of looking at the world.